Can we do some real talk for a minute?
Because this dress is beautiful, the backdrop is beautiful and these photos are BEAUTIFUL. But when I first saw them I did not love the way I looked in them, and that almost prevented me from hitting publish.
photos by Roxana B Photography
I've struggled a little with my weight most of my life. I've never considered myself "fat" but I've always been a little heavy compared to those around me. I remember in 5th grade for whatever reason my friends were all measuring their waists with a jumprope, "look, I can tie it around my waist 5 times!" they'd say. I could barely get it around 4 times & I was a humiliated little 11 year old girl.
In high school my friends were cheerleaders & athletes and were stick thin. I played sports too, but I was still a little bigger than them. Looking back my 110 lb frame compared to their 100 lb ones... it was not a stark difference! But to me it felt so different. I felt awkward in a swim suit & grew jealous of how perfect my friends' bodies looked in every piece of clothing, while I had to be very strategic about what I wore. I was never made to feel bad about the way I looked by others, it was all a problem I was creating in my own mind.
As an adult, and having had 2 babies, my weight has fluctuated a ton & I've always been keenly aware of the changes. I lost a lot of weight after my oldest was born, I actually dropped 20 lbs extra after losing all of the baby weight. I was confident with my body! It was amazing and lasted about a year before I got pregnant again. And now here we are, 2 years postpartum from my youngest & I'm not where I want to be. I miss the confidence that went along with being thin!
I'm trying something new though. I'm trying to honestly just be happy and not worry about my weight so much. I'm still trying so hard to be healthy... I'm trying to eat better & I'm counting calories. I'm going to the gym 4-5 days a week & participating in fitness challenges! I'm doing my part & I need to let go now & just be happy with what my body decides to do.
I listened to a podcast by The Alison Show the other day where she talked about her journey to losing weight. Her story was beautiful & so relatable! I was expecting to get a list to check off of things she did to shed the weight. Instead she encouraged you to look inward. And what I got from her message was to just busy yourself with being happy & living your life! The pounds will come off.
I guess my point is that there's no good reason to skip publishing a blog post because I wish my gut was sucked in a little more. Here's to being happy with where we're at & always working to be better!