Janelle In Real Life: On Overcoming Jealousy

4.05.2017

On Overcoming Jealousy

Have you ever looked at perfect pictures on Instagram and though: "this is too perfect. She/he can't really have it together that well. They're giving me a false perception of reality, and it's not fair"


Dress- Piper & Scoot // Boots- Nordstrom

--- pictures by Paige Nicholle ---

I've had those exact thoughts before, and my reaction was to blame this person for not being real. It's their fault I'm having these insecurities about my own life. 

But I heard a perspective recently that made me rethink how I handle those situations. It's not ANYONE ELSE'S FAULT when I'm feeling insecure. When my favorite blogger posts a gorgeous picture of her fabulous life in her immaculate home with her well-dressed children, rather than finding ways to put her down to make me feel better, I should appreciate the beauty of it and applaud her hard work! Easier said than done, am I right? But seriously, having this new mentality has caused me to stop & think soooo many times when those jealous thoughts start to creep in.

I think we're all aware that social media is full of people putting their best foot forward. And why wouldn't it be?? Would you rather post a really pretty picture of your family or a picture of your sink full of unwashed dishes & the laundry on your floor that hasn't been folded yet? We all like showing off our best parts & I honestly don't see anything wrong with that. It's also not wrong to be real and show the not-so-pretty stuff too! But it's our prerogative to show what we want to.

It's NOT our prerogative to put others down because we don't like what they choose to show online. I used to think that gossiping about a celebrity, acquaintance, friend, or really anyone to my husband or best friend was totally fine because I wasn't being slanderous and passing that gossip on to a lot of people. But even having those thoughts about others can be dangerous. When you see a picture of a clean home and think "there's probably a pile of dirt laundry next to her that isn't in the frame, this is so fake" or "she probably spent hours photoshopping this picture of herself and didn't spend any time with her kids, I'm sure she's a terrible mother" it's SO damaging to yourself! You can start having these negative thoughts all the time & begin believing everyone is a faker & no one is authentic (except you, right?). Who wants to live that way?? Wouldn't we all be better off if we saw the best in each other? As women, I think it's our duty to do what we can to build each other up & encourage one another. When women spend all their energy judging, gossiping, and making excuses, we are not focusing on what's important: being the best WE can be for ourselves and our families!

Stop judging, and start looking inward. Odds are your judgements stem from insecurities that you need to stop focusing on. You see that immaculate kitchen and think "That is impossible and unattainable. FALSE REALITY!" But guys... there really are people out there who keep their kitchen super clean (I am not one of those people). Good for them! That's an amazing talent that I wish I possessed. Or how about "She's way too skinny, she has to have an eating disorder". Ew, guys, let's never assume that about someone. Maybe she works super hard to stay thin by eating well and working out. There ARE people who have the self control to eat well & the motivation to hit the gym regularly (again... not one of those people, unfortunately). Let's assume the best in people! Or better yet... let's stop worrying about other people altogether.

Instead focus on YOU and your strengths! What are some of YOUR best qualities that you can show off to others? And trust me you have plenty of amazing qualities, we all do! Maybe you are amazing at doing makeup and everyone is jealous of your sharp cat eye. Snap a pic girl! Show it off! Maybe you are an amazing mom that always has pinterest level activities for your kids to do! You are a saint, show off your hard work! Maybe you are a talented singer and want to post a youtube video of a cover you've done. GO DO IT! You are amazing and everyone else should get the chance to experience your amazingness. The beauty is that all of our talents are a little different and it's not fair to yourself for you to compare your worst with someone else's best. Focus on your best.

If you struggle with seeing someone else's successes... if they make you feel bad about yourself, keep them out of your line of sight until you can get ahold of things. Remove them as a friend on Facebook, unfollow them on Instagram... do what you've gotta do. That's always an option for you.

But make your focus be to let your own light shine & show everyone how awesome you are! Be unapologetic about yourself and don't dull your shine because you're worried about what others will think of you. And on the flip side, don't cut others down to make yourself feel better. Those negative, ugly thoughts have no place in your beautiful mind.

I don't say all of these things to be preachy. I just know this new perspective has changed me completely! And I want to pass on what I've learned so that hopefully someone else can benefit too. Let's all have a little more love in our hearts!

24 comments:

  1. I think at some point we all become a little guilty of crafting a perfect world to share on social media... every little thing from that bouquet of fresh flowers to removing all the clutter in a room, to contact paper "marble counter tops"... Before we felt like we only had to compete with the magazines, and you knew it was staged, so it was okay. Now we have our peers showcasing these picture perfect lives and feel inadequate. I'm not sure if it's good or bad, but I do know that it's important to remember a photograph is only one little fraction of a second and we don't know what isn't in the frame.
    http://www.iamchiconthecheap.com/

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    1. I guess my point here is that it doesn't even really MATTER. If that photograph is one small staged moment of their life, or if that's totally how their life is all the time... it's irrelevant. It doesn't MATTER what's not in the frame. We need to stop making ourselves feel inadequate because of what someone else is doing! I don't care if they have real marble countertops or use contact paper because it doesn't affect me or who I am. Those things should not affect our worth!

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  2. I absolutely love this post and it's such a great reminder and lesson. Also, I love your outfit - your dress and booties are so cute!

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  3. Very good post. We really judge ourselves harsher than others do sometimes. I enjoyed reading your post.

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  4. When I was younger, I always forced myself to say 9 good things for every single negative/jealous thought. Eventually I found myself looking for nine positive thoughts before a single negative one crossed my mind!

    It's amazing how we're able to change our perspective by training our minds. Great post!

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  5. Yes!! Do you! I've found myself getting caught up in it a little bit ago and did exactly that, I put them out of sight for awhile until I got a grip on myself. It's too easy to get sucked under!

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  6. i'm totally guilty of getting caught up in the comparison game, trust me girl. with social media ruling the world, it's almost impossible not to from time to time. but i love your new-found perspective on this and am definitely going to take it to heart! ps you look stunning in that dress.

    xx jess

    golden swank

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  7. Such a great post! Love your dress and those boots are perfect!

    Belle | www.OneAwesomeMomma.com

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  8. To answer your first question, yes! It's amazing how instagram can turn my day upside down purely because of my own jealously and insecurity. I really loved this post and REALLY need to hear it today. Ps. you are gorgeous!

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  9. I love your dress! And I totally feel the same way when I'm scrolling through Instagram. I try to channel it toward inspiration rather than envy. I think the immaculate home is the most difficult thing for me to emulate...

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  10. such a pretty dress, love the floral print and velvet boots!
    http://www.layersofchic.com

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  11. Love this! Of course we all want to look great to other people, but it's important to realize that none of us are perfect - despite what we see or appear as on social media. Ultimately it doesn't matter - we just need to focus on ourselves!

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  12. What a great post! None of us are perfect, even though social media often makes it come off as so. I try to remember that behind the perfectly framed photo is n overflowing sink, laundry on the floor and trash that needs to be taken out!
    Xo Mindy I amixofmin.com

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  13. I loved reading this! The blogging world can be full of comparison, but it is so important to focus on building others up and remaining positive about yourself!

    xo!
    Shelby
    www.glitterandgingham.com

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  14. This post is so so on point!! I can be the same way when I'm feeling down on myself. It is so important to remember that no one is perfect (Even when it's hard!). Also, your dress is so pretty!

    Maggie
    www.polishedclosets.com

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  15. Such great lesson and reminder for all of us! Love this dress btw! Gorgeous!

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  16. this is such an excellent post, girlfriend! i'm seriously so grateful that you shared this from your heart because it's something we all need to remember more often. let's spread positivity and love rather than hate and be happy for each other in all our little victories!

    stephanie // SheSawStyle.com

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  17. I love this post! I'm a firm believer in the law of attraction and I try to rid of all negative energy! It keeps me somewhat sane ;) have a good weekend!

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  18. This post is such a great reminder for all of us - and I adore your outfit!

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  19. I think we all go through this to some extent! But I love that you turned it around and advised on focusing on our own strengths! xx

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  20. Love this so much -- and really needed to read it after being hard on myself all week!

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  21. Love the print and those velvet booties!

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